Lessons from White Belts

The class I now sit out of is the Friday class.  There are a few white belts at this class which is always good to see but I've never truly taken the time to watch them because I've been too busy working on my own technique.  The past few weeks I've been watching and learning from the White Belts.  Two valuable lessons have stood out for me: 

1. The importance of the Uke

2. Practice makes (almost) perfect

On Tuesdays, sensei has sometimes been pairing me up with white belts to give me the opportunity to practice teaching.  Another two lessons from this!: 

3. Sometimes you need to stand back

4. Keep it simple

1. The importance of the uke 

Sensei has often spoken to us about Uke's role in helping Nage to learn.  If Uke is resistant while Nage is learning the technique then it won't work and Nage will become disheartened (not to mention the fact that this type of practice can result in injury).  Yes, sometimes the students in my class have a mischievous glint in their eye and purposefully make the technique difficult for the Nage but this is usually once the technique has been learned and the Nage is comfortable with it.  Taking the technique to the next level is a progression of learning and expands Nage's understanding but they have to know what they're doing first.   

Watching White Belts uke for each other is fascinating.  Some of them understand that they need to respond to the technique and "do what they're supposed to do" for now even if Nage's Ki isn't that strong.  Some others, however, resist the technique and appear quite robotic and/or unenthusiastic.  The technique therefore doesn't work and both are left wondering what the point is!

Having said all that, I reflect on my own abilities as a Uke when I was a White Belt and remember that my fear of getting hit in the face prevented me from attacking properly.  I'm still bad for that and I really need to do something about it!  Sensei has always praised my husband Michael for his Ukeing abilities and I have to try my best not be jealous!  I look at how Michael attacks and reacts to the Nage and he looks relaxed which means Nage is confident in doing the technique and it allows Michael to easily respond to what Nage is doing, therefore he keeps himself out of danger naturally.  My mistake is that I'm always trying to guess the next move.  There's a fine line between reacting in a certain way because "that's what you're supposed to do" and reacting in a certain way because that's what you have to do to avoid a smack in the face or whatever Nage decides!  It's often a split second decision but if you're relaxed, your body reacts naturally and the brain doesn't try to over-ride it.

Watching Sensei's Uke is remarkable.  He takes everything that Sensei throws his way and just keeps coming back for more, attacking properly and responding to Sensei's moves.  I don't believe that Sensei's Uke is prepped in advance, it seems that he is able to attack and react each and every time with those vital split second decisions that now come to him naturally.  I don't think I'll ever be able to Uke as well as that but, having watched the White Belts, I now understand the importance of relaxing and reacting properly to allow a technique to work the way it's supposed to even if it's a slow step-by-step process in the beginning.  

2. Practice makes (almost) perfect

I say "almost" perfect because I don't think anyone can perfect aikido.  I read somewhere about the reasons for having different coloured belts and it's because the more experienced you are, the darker the colour of your belt.  Some martial arts only have white or black belts - the idea being that by the time you have the skill, wisdom and experience to become a black belt, your white belt will black anyway.  The opposite being true for black belts.  The more skill, wisdom and experience they have, the black belt turns white; demonstrating that you never stop learning - you will never be perfect.  But that's ok!  O-Sensei himself said "failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something."  We all make mistakes no matter how old and experienced we are.

I watch the White Belts learn a new technique and sometimes find myself cringing at how awkward they look!  I want to stop them and tell them to "just relax, don't worry about it, you'll be doing this technique many times from now on so you'll get it eventually!"

Or being hypocritical while watching, with a tinge of frustration, a White Belt being taught the exact same technique that I taught him or her the week before!

Then I mentally get myself into trouble.  Despite only having to learn one form, being a White Belt isn't easy!  You have to overcome your fears of being attacked, of looking silly, of making a Dan Grade angry, not to mention fitting yourself into a group of people who have to be extremely comfortable with each other.  Also, I'm one to talk about being shown things more than once!  My memory is terrible and sometimes I know the highest Dan Grade (we'll call him Dan from now on as I'll be reflecting on a lot of things that he teaches) has taught me something already but is having to explain it all again.  

As a side note, Dan's favourite question is "how many forms start with Nage offering their right side?"  The answer is only two forms; first and fifth.  I made myself learn that as I'm always getting confused about what wrist or shoulder to offer to the Uke.  One of the other green belts came up with the idea of doing a Pop Aikido Quiz with questions like that!  I might do it on this blog one day...

Anyway, new information has to be repeated to me more than once for it to sink in and thankfully, so far, Sensei and the Dan Grades have been very patient with me!  The point is, I'll get it eventually - I just have to practice - and the same goes for the White Belts.  I can see the difference between the White Belts that are ready to move on and the ones that need to work on it a bit more.  Usually the White Belts who have been there longer have a better understanding of what they've been taught... the result of plenty of practice!  But White Belts who don't commit to the lessons are overtaken by other White Belts and Sensei is not one to put someone forward for grading if he doesn't think they've put in the time and effort required.

3. Sometimes you need to stand back

I was watching Dan teach a group of White Belts a couple of weeks ago and couldn't understand why he just stood back and let them do it wrong.  Once one member of the group got it wrong, the others followed!  So I had a think about this and my conclusions are that 1. Dan didn't want to overload the White Belts with information - sometimes bad habits creep in that have to be nipped in the bud but there will be times when whatever's happening can be fixed later because people can only take on so much information; 2. I've noticed that sometimes Sensei and the Dan Grades will stand back and let us figure out what's going wrong by ourselves - part of the learning curve.

Then the penny dropped!  A while back I had been placed with a group of White Belts and was told to teach - not do.  Not quite understanding the instruction, I took my turn with the White Belts to do the technique - the idea being to show them how to do it "properly" and then a brown belt was sent over to "do the doing" so I could do the teaching.  I still didn't quite get the point!  However, having watched from the sidelines, I now understand that, in order for the White Belts to get the practice in, you have to let them do it.  You have to let them make the mistakes in order to learn how to do it correctly - constantly butting in and doing it yourself is not really helping.  They can see how it's supposed to be done, now let them try it out for themselves.  O-Sensei's words ringing true again "each mistake teaches us something".  I've always said that, when Sensei demonstrates something, he makes it look so easy.  But when we have to do it ourselves it takes a wee while to work it out.  We know what we're supposed to do, but we have to be given the time and opportunity to get it right.

So, while one to one teaching has it's place, sometimes it's better to take a step back and let it come together by itself.

On that note, next time I'm in a group and Sensei or Dan is standing back to watch, I mustn't follow the person in front of me if I don't think they did the technique correctly.  I should be brave enough to do what I think is right and ok it might turn out to be wrong but that's the point I'm making!

4. Keep it Simple

A few weeks ago, Sensei's Uke (Sensei uses two guys as regular ukes; Dan and one other - we'll call him uke1) had been instructed to uke for a White Belt while I practiced my teaching skills.  I enjoyed this session very much because, unlike my practice with the Brown Belt (through no fault of the Brown Belt at all), I understood what I was supposed to be doing and what I should be learning.  The White Belt is fairly new so there was a lot of things he didn't know while some techniques, such as Shionhage just needed practice and polish.  I concentrated for a while on Tenchinage mainly because it's the technique I'm most uncomfortable with so it was good for me to be able to study it from scratch and good for the White Belt to learn something new.  Later, Uke1 commented that he had learned something from me.  He said that when he was teaching, he often went into a lot of detail and the student would get confused whereas I keep my instructions and explanations very simple and to the point which makes it easier for the white belt to understand.  I thanked him for his feedback as it's always good to hear nice things but even better when you didn't realise you were doing something worth noting!  A 1st Dan learning from a Green Belt... Aside from my point from above having been made, positive feedback does wonders for self-confidence.

Blogging from the sidelines

About 3 weeks ago I came to the decision to stop physically taking part in one of my Aikido classes.  I say "physically" because I still go but I sit at the side and observe instead of going on the mat.  

The 2 classes that I go to (one on Friday and one on Tuesday) are surprisingly different in nature even though it's roughly the same people who attend.  Friday is busier and, as a result, is very dynamic usually with lots of people doing different things depending on their grade.  Tuesday seems to be calmer with more space on the mat to study specific parts of your technique.  I've always liked quieter classes simply because it means I get more tutoring from Sensei and the Dan Grades.  Totally selfish I know and a bit naughty really because you learn plenty from lower grades too which has been particularly evident to me over the last few weeks.  My next blog post is about the lessons that I have learned so far from the White Belts in the class.

Pregnancy and Aikido

When people ask me what exercise I do now that I'm pregnant, I watch (with mischievous delight) at the horror on their faces when I tell them I still do aikido.  With tones of shock and bewilderment they ask; "is that not dangerous?", "you mean... while you're pregnant?", "shouldn't you be taking it easy?", "maybe you should stop?" and other suchlike, rather insulting, questions.  Of course I'm not putting my unborn child in front of a tanto-wielding, 6 foot, 15 stone dan grade running at full pelt for a 7th form attack!  I have to forgive questions like that though.  They always come from those who have either never heard of aikido or don't truly understand what it is.

I'm 21 weeks pregnant and still go to class twice a week but some changes have had to be made:

My body

During pregnancy, the hormones in the body soften the ligaments to give way for baby coming into the world.  This means that stretches, twists and bends have a higher chance of resulting in injury.  I have had to slow down over the past few months to ensure that I don't overstretch or get myself into difficult positions.  From 16 weeks I have been advised not to lie on my back and so exercises like kokyu dosa should be avoided.  Having never been pregnant before, I have to take each day as it comes and only do what feels comfortable... I'm still trying to master getting in and out of the car!

Another thing that surprised me is my centre of gravity.  It's very easy to tip over as your tummy gets bigger, baby gets heavier and your centre of gravity shifts.  I'm having to really pay attention to my one point and wonder if it's still in the same place as it always was?  Something to ask sensei.

Breakfalls

The first thing I had to stop was the ukemis.  Even if I did gentle ones, they were making me dizzy.  The fact that I was still in the early stages of pregnancy meant that my husband and I weren't ready to tell the world and so not all Nages were aware of my condition.  I had to dodge a few over-the-tops (also known in my personal vocabulary as "splats") due to a fear of my little poppyseed, as it was at the time, letting go of life.  We told sensei straight away though.  It is one of the most memorable moments of my pregnancy so far!  The sheer joy in his face just lifted my spirits and he has been so supportive it's quite overwhelming.  He continues to push my husband to his limits to make him stronger in body and mind while allowing me to adapt in my own way to my changing body and abilities.  Therefore, sitting out of ukemi practise has not been a problem. 

I continued to do roll-to-stand all through my 1st trimester and about a month into my second.  Sensei would partner me with my husband during my 1st trimester so that we didn't have to tell the world our news straight away and Michael could control the force of his actions such as when we were doing shionages or kotegaeshi.

Warm-up

The warm-up involves a lot of stretching and the further in my pregnancy I go, the less I'm able to do.  Sensei's more than happy for me to do as much or as little as I can so I've adapted some of the moves to suit my condition.  I started yoga a few weeks ago and that has also helped me to adapt my stretches.  Each person is unique in their abilities even when they're not pregnant so I won't go into detail about this.  I do what I feel is comfortable and sit out if it's too much.

Uke

Michael and I throw atemis at each other all the time outside the dojo (which may not be the correct thing to do but it helps to develop our reactions!) and so I'm still blocking or moving away from an atemi if the situation calls for it but sensei and the other students have been very firm about not allowing me to uke a technique.  I have to say I was quite disappointed the first time sensei stopped me and I do still protest, albeit weakly because I know it's for my own safety and the survival of my baby.  As I get used to my changing balance and size, I can uke some of the time but nage can't finish the technique if it involves ukemi, roll-to-stand or immobilisation... which is pretty much all techniques!

It's hard though to watch the other students attack and defend as far as they can push themselves while I, and anyone who works with me, have to hone it back.  However, I'm determined to learn from the experience!  There's something to be said about doing a technique more softly.  Yes it does look as though you're doing nothing but, if you get it right, the effect is just as powerful.  This was very evident last week when I was uke for a blue belt student.  He did the technique exactly the same as he would have done if I wasn't pregnant except very softly.  The technique was still good and I would have had to breakfall if he hadn't stopped.  Sensei immediately pointed out that when blue-belt was doing the technique to me, it was like he was practicing with a feather and that he should try to implement that softness while working with the other students too.  This demonstrates that you don't have to be strong to make a technique work.  I felt quite proud of being part of this revelation and pleased that, despite having to hold back, I'm still able to take part in valuable lessons.  On reflection, I've naturally had to soften my own technique so as not to over-exert myself and it's good to know that I'm still learning something.  Ki is the key though!  A soft technique is nothing without Ki.

Other students

One thing I'm very conscious of is what I'm asking of the other students in the class.  It's a steep learning curve for me to find my way around the mat with a baby on board but, putting myself in my partner's position (1 of the 5 rules on the mat), I can imagine that it must be quite bewildering for them too.  How far do they push me?  What if something goes wrong?  More recently (as we were practising 6th form cuts with the bokken) I wondered how I would react if a weapon was accidentally set loose or if my partner accidentally punched me in a 7th form attack?  In my mind, it's my responsibility to protect myself and my baby.  I need to make the decision that a position is too dangerous for me to be in and inform sensei so that I can sit out (something that I haven't had to do yet).  Accidents do happen but I have observed the care and attention that the other students have paid me in class.  Some have been protective, others have cleverly responded to my body language and yet others have just outright asked me how I feel.  I don't force other students to work with me if they feel uncomfortable and I always watch for body language and facial expressions in case they're unsure of me.  I would never put myself in front of them if they wanted to attack full on.

We are all having to use courage, compassion, integrity, courtesy and discipline to get us through this learning curve and personally I think that has a beauty to it.  For me, it's a journey that we're all on together and it has brought me closer to my aikido peers.  I'd also like to think that my baby's personality and attitude is being shaped by our treatment of each other.

In a nutshell, always consult your midwife about exercise.  Chances are she will encourage you do continue your usual regime for as long as you feel comfortable but it's worth informing her of "unusual" exercise like Aikido.  Secondly, your sensei is one of the most important people in your life and if you can't tell him about your pregnancy as soon as you know then I would argue that you can't practise. Not only from a spiritual and emotional point of view, but for safety reasons your sensei really needs to know your condition.  Thirdly, do what you feel comfortable doing and no more.  Sensei will understand as will your fellow students and no one will think you weak for sitting out.  On the contrary, the female body is a true wonder that it can be making a baby AND practising aikido at the same time - there's nothing weak about it.

Each person's pregnancy is unique and so this is only my experience of practising aikido while pregnant.  Following a Google search on "pregnancy and aikido", I read some forum posts where the woman has stopped practising straight away while others had gone to class right through till they were 9 months.  This is why I take each day as it comes and will listen to my body to help me decide when enough's enough - if it's ever enough!

An unexpected break from the blog

It's been a while since I wrote in any of my blogs (I have a gardening one as well)!  There's a very poor explanation but an explanation none the less.  Not long after my last aikido blog post, I found out that I'm pregnant!  Trying for a baby and then reading a positive pregnancy test has the same delight and excitement as being proposed to.  Later comes the anxieties and worry about how good a parent you're going to be but I have a very supportive and laid-back husband who doesn't let me worry for long.

From an aikido perspective, I've had quite a steep learning curve over the past few months and so in all honesty I've not known what to put in my blog because I don't know where to start!  My body is changing, my emotions are haywire and the tiredness has been overwhelming but the health service advises to continue exercise during pregnancy to control weight gain, reduce musculoskeletal pain, ease labour pains and help the body to recover after birth.  Exercise is not dangerous for the baby and in fact the health service reports that there is some evidence to show that exercise helps to reduce problems later in pregnancy and during labour.  My problem with writing about my thoughts and experiences is that I'm not really too sure what I'm thinking or what I'm doing... I'm just taking each day as it comes.  Maybe that's what they call "baby brain"!

Anyway, at my last class I discovered that my Gi no longer fits around my tummy and even the hakama doesn't help to keep it and my belt from unraveling.  So I bought myself a white pregnancy top that wraps over above the waist but leaves a lot of space below the waist for my bump.  Unfortunately, in the words of one of my fellow students, I looked like I hadn't quite finished getting dressed!  As I said above, it's a steep learning curve and I have to take each day as it comes!  Next time, I'll put a vest top on underneath my new top and that might make it look a bit more Gi-like.  Sensei did say I could borrow one of his Gis but he has a lot going on just now so I don't press him for it.

So that is my (poor) explanation for not blogging for a while.  I hope to get back on track now and maybe even give you notice when I have to stop classes but, at the risk of repeating myself, I'll take it each day as it comes and I'll just have to let my body (and baby) tell me when enough's enough. 

My Ki journey

What is Ki?

This is a question that I discuss with other aikido practitioners for ages, particularly those in the lower Kyu grades as it's so difficult to understand.  Ki literally means steam or vapour but in the sense of aikido it is your energy and life-force.  This sounds simple and I suppose it is.  What isn't simple is channeling it in every day life and manipulating it in your aikido techniques.

Ki for beginners

When I started Aikido 3 years ago, Ki was (and to an extent, still is!) very difficult to comprehend.  As a green belt, I'm only now beginning to pick up the basics of what my Ki is and how to use it.  

One of the 4 principles of Aikido is to "extend Ki" but it's not immediately obvious how you would extend your energy.  

The first Ki exercise I was taught was "unbendable arm".  This is where you put your arm out in front of you (while extending Ki) and someone tries to bend your arm at the elbow.  This sounds easy right?  Just stick your arm out and don't let them move you... but the point is to relax, keep weight underside and don't use physical strength.  Doesn't sound so easy now does it!  However, we're taught that the more you relax, put your weight underside and extend your Ki, the more difficult it will be to bend your arm.  I was taught to extend my mind as far as I possibly could while holding my arm out in front of me.  Imagine an invisible thread stretching from your finger tips and reaching as far as the mind will let it.  I was also advised to allow gravity to do it's job.  When we're relaxed, our weight naturally goes underside but this takes a lot of practice as it's easy to tense up when someone invades your personal space.  

As a white belt all this was just about impossible to understand and I was unable to extend Ki while practicing my techniques.  My advice is to be patient.  It might take a while, but as you develop your Aikido, your Ki will gradually become easier to understand.

Ki as a Green Belt

I had one of those light bulb moments almost immediately after my Green Belt grading.  There are a lot of Ki tests in our gradings and the higher you go, the more you're tested.  I had thought that the Ki tests had gone well but the sensei who was grading me had a different opinion.  He described my Ki as "disappointing" and I will talk about that in more detail in a future blog.

However, upset though I was about that negative feedback, it made me think!  Clearly, Ki is a natural life-force.  I have it (we all have it), I just don't understand it.  So I did a bit a soul searching and reflection which actually gave rise to this blog!

Very often Sensei Wilson has talked about attitude and intent.  I've never understood what he's been talking about until I had a good think about it.  The way I understand it is that if my attitude is defeatist, angry or afraid, then I will be defeated.  If I do not show the intention of being able to hold off and/or deal with an attack effectively then the attacker will prevail.  O Sensei Ueshiba once said "... the wise win before the fight while the ignorant fight to win".  If my attitude is one of peace, calmness and confidence then I will not be defeated.  If I show my attacker that I have the intention of stemming his attack and neutralising it then he may not attack at all but it will, at the very least, weaken his advance.

This attitude and intent can be portrayed by posture.  If weight is underside then I'm relaxed, I have my one point and I'm looking straight through my attacker while being aware of my surroundings.  This is the start of my Ki being extended outwards.

My personal aim before I go for my Blue Belt is to make this attitude and intent, before the attack, a natural part of my Aikido practice.   Once I've made this a natural part of me and my behaviour, I can then concentrate on continuing it into the full technique.  

An example of Ki in a full technique would be when applying an Atemi (which is a blow to a part of the opponent's body with the intention of knocking them off balance and/or making them doubt their resolve).  The point of the Atemi is the intention to land a blow on the attacker (for example in between the eyes).  The blow will be quite painful if you make contact but that's not the main point of the Atemi as you would expect your uki to get out the way!  The intention of the blow will put them off balance and will allow your technique to be more effective.  Your attitude in delivering this Atemi will make the difference.  If you intend to hit your opponent in between the eyes but you're afraid that you'll hurt them, then it won't work.  If you intend to hit your opponent in between the eyes and you don't care if you hit them, it'll work.

That's not to say that you want to hit them!  Aikido is a peaceful martial art and aims to neutralise the attack so that both you and the attacker are safe.  Your Ki is what knocks them off balance and makes them doubt themselves, not an actual hit between the eyes.

As I said, it's difficult to comprehend and even more difficult to explain which is why my advice is to be patient.  It will dawn on you one day!

My experience of Ki

When I was a yellow belt, I was taking part in a course which is run by my club twice a year after grading.  We were practicing fifth form cuts with the bokkan and one of the 7th Dan Senseis was going round the groups helping us to develop this movement.  Sensei stood in front of me and said "5th form cut to the head.  GO!"  I couldn't.  I tried to pull the bokkan down and aim for his head but without moving a muscle the man was able to stop me dead in my tracks!  "What's wrong?" he asked.  "I don't know!" I squeaked.  I moved to the back of the group totally flummoxed.  A Brown Belt took his turn and made the bokkan move slightly further than I had but Sensei still didn't feel the need to get out the way.  Instead the Brown Belt moved to the side as if it was Sensei who was doing the cut!  I still have no idea how he did that.  But as I've gone from yellow to orange to green I'm beginning to understand what he was doing... using Ki!

I have a long way to go.  But I think that the hard part of using Ki to your advantage and being able to do the Ki exercises well, is understanding it in the first place.  How it feels and the effects that it has will come afterwards.  Eventually!

From White to Green and everything in between!

I started Aikido in October 2011.  It's probably taken a lot longer than the average student for me to achieve green belt level but that's because I don't do things half-assed.  If I don't feel I would be able to do my best in the grading then I don't grade.

It took me a year to go for my grading to be a yellow belt.  It raised a few eyebrows from other practitioners and even some shocked questions such as "why are you not grading?" "why wouldn't you get off your white belt as quickly as possible?"  For me, it's not a race.  Yes, I want my black belt and I would love to have it already!  But I don't want my black belt when I've not been the best I could be at every other colour.  I'm never going to be perfect, but when people look at me and see my Green Belt, I want them to think "yes, she worked hard for that, she did her best and she deserves it."  Not "well, she's a bit rough around the edges but sensei passed her so it must be ok".  

Currently, I feel a sense of pride reflecting off of Sensei Wilson and that pushes me even more.  He knows I put in as much effort as I can and that I'm always the best I can be and he can see that I'm enjoying it.  That's how I intend to keep it and that's all Sensei asks of me.  The day I stop doing my best and can't be bothered putting in the effort is the day I stop Aikido (which will hopefully never happen).

While I was on my yellow belt, I got engaged and had a wedding to plan.  Looking back, I could have gone for my orange belt after 6 months but when I did get it, we moved house later that year (which was actually more stressful than the wedding) so I would have ended up delaying my green belt anyway.  

So, from my experience, I would advise everyone to take their time and enjoy Aikido.  Push yourself to your limits and be the best you can be but don't go so far that it turns into a task or a burden.  Everyone wants to be a Black Belt and your time will come soon enough but, to be a good Black Belt, make sure you pay attention to the journey because that's the important part.