Just breathe

Wow, 9 months since I did a blog post! It does not feel like that at all! Life is busy. That's not an excuse, it's a fact. I'm fed up explaining to people why I'm a bit slower to do things, why my mind might not fully be on the task at hand or why they (and their wants) are not my top priority. My son is my top priority. His needs come first. Then mine and my husband's. Everything else comes after and I refuse to feel guilty about it anymore.

With this decision came huge relief! Without the stress of trying to please everyone, I'm happier.

"Where does aikido fit in?" I hear you ask. Aikido is a part of both my life and my husband's so it's not difficult to keep it there! On that note, I'd like to go back to a blog post from a while back when my son was first born. I wrote about my experience of breathing properly when I had to go for an emergency section. More recently, the importance of breathing properly has come up again but for dealing with stress in general. There are a lot of changes happening at work, my son is starting his tantrums, there have been a couple of deaths in my family recently and sometimes I feel it all crushing down on me. It's because I have forgotten to breathe properly.

If you haven't thought about it before, I urge you to do so. Fill your lungs as much as you can then exhale slow and steady. Do this 3 or 4 times and you'd be surprised how much better you feel.

This isn't a disguised ramble about the wonders of Ki breathing. A simple google search on the benefits of breathing properly will show there is science behind it too!

So it's time to breathe, stay focussed and be happy. No more stressing to try and please everyone while pleasing no one!

To "assume" makes an ass of u and me!

This post is more about life observation than aikido but it can apply in the dojo...

On the 10 minute walk to work in the morning from Glasgow Central to the City Chambers, I pass at least 4 beggars and homeless people. I walk past quickly because I'm afraid to think too much. It's shameful of me but I'd get upset otherwise. If I do let my thoughts wonder a bit then it's always about my lack of understanding. How did these people get into their predicaments? How tragic that they don't have family and friends to go to for help.

One day last week a few of my colleagues and I got into a discussion about the reports in the media and how one beggar was making hundreds of pounds a day. One of the managers advised us not to give the beggars in the city centre any money because it's all run by criminal gangs and it's the gang bosses that keep the money.

So all beggars are rich and are fuelling gang crime...

Uh huh.

As some things in life have a habit of tying together, I read an article in the company magazine by a lady who had been rushing to catch her train home one day. She chose her seat and settled down to read her book. To her irritation, a drunk man sat opposite her. Dirty and stinking of booze he confirmed he'd been out since the night before and was moguered. The lady was disgusted and plotted her escape to another seat. But as it turned out, "Jimmy" was a good laugh and had a fair but of banter going with most of the passengers around him.

When they got to their destination, the lady bid the man farewell and advised him to go home for a good sleep. "That I will Mrs," he said, "got the all clear this morning. Haven't slept properly for nearly a year!"

Suddenly, Jimmy was no longer the dirty drunken ass who everyone tried to avoid. Suddenly, Jimmy was a strong human being who had just beaten cancer!

Just goes to show that our judgements and assumptions can be way off the truth.

Have the courage to be softer

Sensei often teaches us about softness in our techniques. You don't have to be strong and aggressive in aikido.  In fact, being soft in your technique and using Ki makes your actions more powerful.  I came across a beautiful poem through a friend on Facebook and part of it is very relevant to the above point.

"So often it seems like the answer must be to toughen up. Get a thicker skin. Become harder. Meaner. More aggressive.

It's not.

Maybe all we need to remember is the sweeping power of our softness.

[...]

Tenderness is wisdom; gentleness is strengh; sensitivity is gold."

Sarah L Harvey

The article below is by the same author. A beautiful peace of writing that talks about having courage to relax:

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/05/this-is-courage-the-breathtaking-bravery-in-relaxation/

Enjoy!

Etiquette please

I was reading an article the other day (can't remember who wrote it and why I came across it) which was discussing the "death of the martial artist". With the rise of competitive sports and the increasingly televised Ultimate Fighting Champion (UFC), the writer had observed that the respectful, peaceful , disciplined martial artist no longer exists.

I'm assuming this observation is based in America as I don't think UFC is as big here as it is there (although, as always, we'll no doubt catch up). But I do think that it's a sad state of affairs.

The peace and discipline of the dojo is a welcome change in a world of stress, problem solving, conflict and bad news.

I like the fact that "what sensei says, goes!" and that this is respected. It means I don't have to negotiate for the umpteenth time that day. I like that I don't have to compete with other students after tumbling around a competitive business environment all day. Or, even worse, resisting the temptation to compete with other parents! I like that there are rules and etiquette to follow because then I know exactly what's expected of me. Comments are never underhanded and tests aren't sprung on us.

If these qualities of martial arts is dissipating in favour of competition and profit then it just becomes a part of the every day grind of life. Nothing special.

In this constantly connected, fast paced, demanding world, I only hope that people will continue to appreciate the spirit of martial arts.

Lifting the block

I have to say that I've come up against a bit of writer's block recently.  I leave class each Tuesday thinking "that thing that sensei said was really interesting... I'll write about that." I then start a blog post and I either get stumped after one sentence or I think about it too much and the post is just a big ramble of nonsense.

I have about 10 draft posts sitting on my blogger dashboard and none of them are finished!

I think my mind has been consumed by the new chapter in my life - I'm now a working mother! Going back to work was hard. I'll be honest, ki breathing went out the window. Focusing on one point went out the window. Relaxing with weight underside didn't even get a chance! And because I was hyper anxious, so was Joseph which meant nobody slept for about a week before my first day back! There were tears, tantrums and snotters. And that was just me!

In class yesterday, 2 of the brown belts were practicing kiatsu for most of the class because one of them has a bad back. I have no shame in admitting my jealousy! My back hasn't been the same since the third trimester of pregnancy and I'd actually forgotten about kiatsu so I was longing for someone to channel some energy into my tired aching muscles.

I could have done a little happy dance when sensei gave the rest of us time to do it at the end of class. It's hard to describe the effects of kiatsu but I'd go as far as to say it's even better than a massage. You come away from it feeling so relaxed and light and at peace... It's just lovely.

My sister would say something along the lines of "I haven't got time for this voodoo nonsense" and there are a lot of people who will turn their backs on alternative healing. I come from a scientific family so many of them switch off when I start talking about Ki and the power of the mind.

But last night... that was exactly what I needed. We didn't have long but it was so wonderful to stop. Just to stop. Breathe. Feel the energy. Let it sink into the body and feel that tension ebb away.

And I sit here in my rocking chair with wee Joseph sleeping peacefully, grateful for the healing energy my partner gave me. Grateful for the opportunity to get my focus back. To just be me. A busy, dedicated, fun, sometimes loopy, hard working, loving mum and wife. Bring it on!

Boob!

Some people may find the title of this post embarrassing or even offensive and I did hesitate to use it... but I do have a reason for it:

A couple of nights ago (and by "night" I mean 2am) Joseph discovered the "buh" sound. As this was a new discovery he repeated it for ages as he tried to make other sounds with it. Suddenly out of nowhere he shouts "boooob"! And because he got a reaction from me (uncontrolled giggling) he repeated it continously until he finally tired himself out at 3am!

And, of course, since I wasn't sleeping I had time to think! Way back when I first started aikido I was sensei's only adult female student. This didn't pose a problem for sensei or Dan or the more experienced aikidoka. But I noticed other students would hold back when attacking. Or even avoid me when we were told to pair up. I never let that get to me though so this post isn't a complaint. It's more about men having to work with women in the dojo and my experiences of this.

If you're a man:
While respecting the fact that the ladies have breasts, you will at some point accidentally brush a boob. Or hit it! The chances are she won't have noticed but if she does then it's manners to apologise. Don't try to pretend it never happened, that's even more disrespectful. You can even have a laugh about it but whatever you do do not announce that she "should have got them out the way"! While she possibly didn't move fast enough to avoid your slight of the hand, what if the roles were reversed? What if she accidentally hit you where it hurts? "You should have got it out the way" doesn't really apply does it?

If you're a woman:
Don't worry! I've been doing aikido for 4 years and my boobs have been brushed only a handful of times. Nobody has hit me full force on the boob. I've been poked in the eye, hit on the nose, my arms and wrists have been all colours of bruise but my boobs are unscathed!

Seriously though, the situation is about more than boobs. Most men will have been brought up to respect women and never to lift their hand to them and so it goes against the fibres of their being to attack a woman even in a controlled environment like the dojo. I understand this and it's good that they don't find it easy to attack females. I get that it's difficult to do the opposite of everything you believe in.  But bear in mind that you're not attacking her out of malice or anger. You're doing it out of support and encouragement as part of a lesson. My advice to everyone is this: when you're in the dojo, whether you're male or female, never hold back your attack or do the techniques half assed because you're working with a woman. If she is attacked in real life her attacker isn't going to hold back so you aren't doing her any favours since she won't learn how to deal with it properly.

My argument is that by attacking everyone (in the dojo) whole heartedly, you're giving everyone the chance to learn and grow.

The problem with Steven

I saw a film called Bulletproof Monk last night. I love a good Hollywood martial arts movie so I do! It's a guilty pleasure because you probably wouldn't describe any of them as "good". But I'm mesmerised by Jet Lee, rely on Jackie Chan for a good giggle and you can guarantee a whole load of action from Chow Yun Fat. (Incidentally, it seems Chow Yun Fat isn't a martial artist at all - he's just very good at choreography and stunts!)

Obviously the most famous aikido practitioner is Steven Seagal. I love watching out for a nikkyo, tenchinage or a kotageshi (dramatically sending the attacker into an over-the-top and through a wall).

Unfortunately for me though I find Steven Seagal's movies more frustrating than anything else. Don't get me wrong, I'm not doubting his abilities off-screen. But the camera angles and editing are designed to create drama and thrills which, in my opinion, takes the true awesomeness away from the art. Maybe it's like a doctor or nurse watching Casualty. They're so involved with the reality that they know when something in a hospital TV programme is dramatised for the audience. Kind of ruins it for them and others watching it with them! And Steven Seagal might have black belts in aikido, karate, judo and kendo but, with all due respect, he can't act for peanut butter.

Anyway, that doesn't stop me enjoying a bit of Under Seige!