My Ki journey

What is Ki?

This is a question that I discuss with other aikido practitioners for ages, particularly those in the lower Kyu grades as it's so difficult to understand.  Ki literally means steam or vapour but in the sense of aikido it is your energy and life-force.  This sounds simple and I suppose it is.  What isn't simple is channeling it in every day life and manipulating it in your aikido techniques.

Ki for beginners

When I started Aikido 3 years ago, Ki was (and to an extent, still is!) very difficult to comprehend.  As a green belt, I'm only now beginning to pick up the basics of what my Ki is and how to use it.  

One of the 4 principles of Aikido is to "extend Ki" but it's not immediately obvious how you would extend your energy.  

The first Ki exercise I was taught was "unbendable arm".  This is where you put your arm out in front of you (while extending Ki) and someone tries to bend your arm at the elbow.  This sounds easy right?  Just stick your arm out and don't let them move you... but the point is to relax, keep weight underside and don't use physical strength.  Doesn't sound so easy now does it!  However, we're taught that the more you relax, put your weight underside and extend your Ki, the more difficult it will be to bend your arm.  I was taught to extend my mind as far as I possibly could while holding my arm out in front of me.  Imagine an invisible thread stretching from your finger tips and reaching as far as the mind will let it.  I was also advised to allow gravity to do it's job.  When we're relaxed, our weight naturally goes underside but this takes a lot of practice as it's easy to tense up when someone invades your personal space.  

As a white belt all this was just about impossible to understand and I was unable to extend Ki while practicing my techniques.  My advice is to be patient.  It might take a while, but as you develop your Aikido, your Ki will gradually become easier to understand.

Ki as a Green Belt

I had one of those light bulb moments almost immediately after my Green Belt grading.  There are a lot of Ki tests in our gradings and the higher you go, the more you're tested.  I had thought that the Ki tests had gone well but the sensei who was grading me had a different opinion.  He described my Ki as "disappointing" and I will talk about that in more detail in a future blog.

However, upset though I was about that negative feedback, it made me think!  Clearly, Ki is a natural life-force.  I have it (we all have it), I just don't understand it.  So I did a bit a soul searching and reflection which actually gave rise to this blog!

Very often Sensei Wilson has talked about attitude and intent.  I've never understood what he's been talking about until I had a good think about it.  The way I understand it is that if my attitude is defeatist, angry or afraid, then I will be defeated.  If I do not show the intention of being able to hold off and/or deal with an attack effectively then the attacker will prevail.  O Sensei Ueshiba once said "... the wise win before the fight while the ignorant fight to win".  If my attitude is one of peace, calmness and confidence then I will not be defeated.  If I show my attacker that I have the intention of stemming his attack and neutralising it then he may not attack at all but it will, at the very least, weaken his advance.

This attitude and intent can be portrayed by posture.  If weight is underside then I'm relaxed, I have my one point and I'm looking straight through my attacker while being aware of my surroundings.  This is the start of my Ki being extended outwards.

My personal aim before I go for my Blue Belt is to make this attitude and intent, before the attack, a natural part of my Aikido practice.   Once I've made this a natural part of me and my behaviour, I can then concentrate on continuing it into the full technique.  

An example of Ki in a full technique would be when applying an Atemi (which is a blow to a part of the opponent's body with the intention of knocking them off balance and/or making them doubt their resolve).  The point of the Atemi is the intention to land a blow on the attacker (for example in between the eyes).  The blow will be quite painful if you make contact but that's not the main point of the Atemi as you would expect your uki to get out the way!  The intention of the blow will put them off balance and will allow your technique to be more effective.  Your attitude in delivering this Atemi will make the difference.  If you intend to hit your opponent in between the eyes but you're afraid that you'll hurt them, then it won't work.  If you intend to hit your opponent in between the eyes and you don't care if you hit them, it'll work.

That's not to say that you want to hit them!  Aikido is a peaceful martial art and aims to neutralise the attack so that both you and the attacker are safe.  Your Ki is what knocks them off balance and makes them doubt themselves, not an actual hit between the eyes.

As I said, it's difficult to comprehend and even more difficult to explain which is why my advice is to be patient.  It will dawn on you one day!

My experience of Ki

When I was a yellow belt, I was taking part in a course which is run by my club twice a year after grading.  We were practicing fifth form cuts with the bokkan and one of the 7th Dan Senseis was going round the groups helping us to develop this movement.  Sensei stood in front of me and said "5th form cut to the head.  GO!"  I couldn't.  I tried to pull the bokkan down and aim for his head but without moving a muscle the man was able to stop me dead in my tracks!  "What's wrong?" he asked.  "I don't know!" I squeaked.  I moved to the back of the group totally flummoxed.  A Brown Belt took his turn and made the bokkan move slightly further than I had but Sensei still didn't feel the need to get out the way.  Instead the Brown Belt moved to the side as if it was Sensei who was doing the cut!  I still have no idea how he did that.  But as I've gone from yellow to orange to green I'm beginning to understand what he was doing... using Ki!

I have a long way to go.  But I think that the hard part of using Ki to your advantage and being able to do the Ki exercises well, is understanding it in the first place.  How it feels and the effects that it has will come afterwards.  Eventually!

From White to Green and everything in between!

I started Aikido in October 2011.  It's probably taken a lot longer than the average student for me to achieve green belt level but that's because I don't do things half-assed.  If I don't feel I would be able to do my best in the grading then I don't grade.

It took me a year to go for my grading to be a yellow belt.  It raised a few eyebrows from other practitioners and even some shocked questions such as "why are you not grading?" "why wouldn't you get off your white belt as quickly as possible?"  For me, it's not a race.  Yes, I want my black belt and I would love to have it already!  But I don't want my black belt when I've not been the best I could be at every other colour.  I'm never going to be perfect, but when people look at me and see my Green Belt, I want them to think "yes, she worked hard for that, she did her best and she deserves it."  Not "well, she's a bit rough around the edges but sensei passed her so it must be ok".  

Currently, I feel a sense of pride reflecting off of Sensei Wilson and that pushes me even more.  He knows I put in as much effort as I can and that I'm always the best I can be and he can see that I'm enjoying it.  That's how I intend to keep it and that's all Sensei asks of me.  The day I stop doing my best and can't be bothered putting in the effort is the day I stop Aikido (which will hopefully never happen).

While I was on my yellow belt, I got engaged and had a wedding to plan.  Looking back, I could have gone for my orange belt after 6 months but when I did get it, we moved house later that year (which was actually more stressful than the wedding) so I would have ended up delaying my green belt anyway.  

So, from my experience, I would advise everyone to take their time and enjoy Aikido.  Push yourself to your limits and be the best you can be but don't go so far that it turns into a task or a burden.  Everyone wants to be a Black Belt and your time will come soon enough but, to be a good Black Belt, make sure you pay attention to the journey because that's the important part.